Polygraph Exams

No, I’ve never done drugs. He’s lying. Did you know that polygraph examinations are so unreliable that the military rules of evidence will not even allow the mention of the name polygraph into evidence?

Unless you’re a celebrity on a late night talk show, don’t take him. CID, OSI, NCIS, these investigative agencies in the military, they will often offer military service members a polygraph examination as a way to exonerate themselves. This is how it’s going to go down. There’s a lot more to this, but I’m going to bring it down Barney style right now. Step one, they’re going to interview you again about the allocation, and they’re going to tell you some things don’t add up, but this is your opportunity to clarify that this is going to show your command that you’re being truthful. Step two, they’re going to tell you all about how the polygraph examination works, and they’re going to make it look like they’re being very transparent with the science and with how it works.

Step three, they do the test. Step four, they examine the test results. Step five, they tell you that the test results show you’re being deceitful or you’re not telling the whole truth. They’re calling you a liar, by the way. There’s no way you’re going to get to step five. And they come back in the room and they say, you’re being truthful. You’re free to go. There’s no way that’s happening. Step six, they confront you about the results and your answers until you make emissions that they wanted you to make before you even came in the room that day. Now, you might think, oh, well, I would never do that. I would never admit to something that I didn’t do. Trust me, after five to eight hours, of a guy constantly telling you it’s okay. Everyone’s going to understand. If you just admit from her perspective, it is what it looks like it is, you’re going to be okay, well then you might actually make some equivocation or make some admission, or maybe you feel bad for hurting her feelings.

So you make an apology, but it comes off as an admission. They lie to you. They lie about the test. They lie about the results. They lie about the questions they lie that your command is going to understand. Now, I know I said polygraph examinations cannot be used in a court martial per the rules of evidence, and I was correct. However, the interview with a polygraph examiner before the poly and the interview after the poly can be used against you. Fun fact, even if the polygraph exam shows that you’re telling the truth, which alone, guess what? It still can’t be used for you at trial because of another rule of evidence that I can talk about at another time. So again, only if you are a celebrity on a late night talk show should you ever be, find yourself strapped to a polygraph examination. I love Pedro Pascal. I love shows where he’s escorting some child from a dangerous situation to save. Can’t wait to see one of those.


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